One of the founding principles of Nancy is that sexual pleasure should be a place for play. Many of the harmful messages around sex - your body should look this way, you should experience these sensations, you should only have a certain number of partners - comes from a place of rules. This restricts us from being able to explore our sexuality and find joy.
Going into a sexual experience with expectations is one way we restrict our ability to find join. Expectations, such as "I must orgasm", make pleasure something to quantify. This prevents us from being in the moment, which is key to great pleasure!
There is no "goal" to sex
Wanting to have an orgasm is totally fair. A million fireworks going off in your body, sign me up. But having expectations that you must orgasm can actually have the opposite effect. It's very silly, but sadly true.
A lot of women find that when they accept that they won't orgasm, they actually end up having one anyway. Letting go of expectations helps us enjoy the sensation for what it is, not constantly comparing it to something "better".
Go with the flow
Sexpectations make sex something you can "fail" at, which is impossible since there are no tests and no one grading you! (to my knowledge, at least) The next time you feel yourself setting a standard for your sexual experience, focus on telling yourself a different message:
- I will focus on the moment I'm in and enjoy it fully
- I'm open to my experience going in unexpected directions
- I don't need to orgasm to have a great time
One of the biggest struggles for good sex is getting out of our heads. It's certainly not an easy task, since we require our brains to take control during every other moment of the day. Just being aware of our sexpectations can help us start the process of recognising when they're getting in our way and onto the path of better pleasure!
