Pillow princess: Harmful or just misunderstood?

Pillow princess: Harmful or just misunderstood?

Ever heard the term "pillow princess" tossed around in conversations about sex and bedroom dynamics? It's a label that often comes with a lot of stigma and shame. But what does it really mean to be a pillow princess, and is it as bad as people make it out to be?

In this article, we’re diving into the world of pillow princesses. We’ll explore where the term came from, how it’s evolved, and bust some myths along the way. We’re here to empower you to embrace your sexual interests and needs without any apologies. Whether you see yourself as a pillow princess or just want to understand the topic better, you’ll finish reading with a fresh perspective on prioritizing your pleasure and being a “lazy lover” in the bedroom.

What is a pillow princess?

A pillow princess is someone, often a LGBTQ woman, who's all about receiving rather than giving when it comes to sexual stimulation. It hints at a more passive role in the bedroom, where they enjoy being pleasured without feeling the need to return the favor.

Origins and evolution

Back in the 1990s, the term "pillow princess" made its debut in LGBTQ media, particularly in discussions about lesbian relationships. In a 1992 publication called Deneuve, it was described as a dynamic where the "butch" partner initiated and gave sexual pleasure, while the "femme" partner played the role of the "pillow princess," receiving said pleasure. The term "pillow" hinted at passivity, while "princess" not only implied special treatment but had also been slang for a gay or lesbian person since the 1960s.

As time went on, mainstream media picked up on "pillow princess" and started using it in heterosexual contexts too, making it more widely known. You could spot it in various publications catering to both men and women, like Maxim, Marie Claire, YourTango, and Elite Daily. Here's how the term evolved:

1. Originally used within the LGBTQ community, especially among queer women

2. Often applied to bisexual women or women experimenting with their sexuality, implying hesitance to reciprocate sexual acts

3. Spread to mainstream media and heterosexual contexts in the 2010s

4. Used by men's magazines to describe heterosexual women who are "lazy" in bed

While you might stumble upon "pillow prince" as a male counterpart on occasion, it hasn't gained the same level of recognition. "Pillow princess" continues to be primarily linked with women, covering a wide range of sexual preferences and relationship dynamics. Each person gets to define what being a "pillow princess" means to them.

Connotations and perceptions

In the LGBTQ community, being a pillow princess can come with a mix of positive and negative vibes. Some queer women are drawn to pillow princess partners for a bit of kink and dominance, while others might use the term to throw shade at a partner who's not putting in the effort. Then there are those who humorously or boldly embrace the label for themselves.

Within LGBTQ circles, "pillow princess" is often tagged onto bisexual women or those exploring their sexuality, suggesting a reluctance to reciprocate sexual acts, either in general or with certain partners. Even online magazines aimed at men have picked up on the term, using it to describe heterosexual women who they think are a bit "lazy" between the sheets, showing how it's spilled over beyond LGBTQ circles.

Although "pillow prince" pops up occasionally as a male counterpart, it's not as widely recognized, keeping "pillow princess" mainly associated with women. At the end of the day, though, the label covers a wide range of sexual preferences and relationship dynamics, with everyone getting to define what it means to them.

Addressing the stigma and misconceptions

Even though "pillow princess" is everywhere in pop culture and within the LGBTQ+ scene, it's often surrounded by misconceptions and stigma. Let's peel back the layers and shine a light on the real deal behind this sexual preference.

Common misconceptions

1. Pillow princesses are selfish lovers

One big myth about pillow princesses is that they're selfish in bed by default. But let's set the record straight: preferring to receive pleasure doesn't equate to not caring about your partner's satisfaction. Plenty of pillow princesses make sure their partners feel fulfilled through open communication and mutual understanding.

2. Being a pillow princess is a phase

Here's another misconception: Some folks think being a pillow princess is just a passing phase, something people will eventually move on from. But let's be real: everyone's sexual preferences are valid, including being a pillow princess. Like any other bedroom preference, it can be a consistent and deeply personal part of someone's intimate life.

3. Pillow princesses are lazy

There's this misconception floating around that pillow princesses are just lazy when it comes to bedroom action. But here's the scoop: this preference often comes down to personal comfort and the roles one feels most comfy with during intimate moments. It's not about lacking engagement or enjoying the experience any less.

Reality vs. perception

Perception: Pillow princesses are selfish
Reality: They ensure their partners are satisfied in other ways

Perception: It's just a phase
Reality: It can be a consistent, deeply personal preference

Perception: They are lazy in bed
Reality: It's about personal comfort and preferred roles

Here's the deal: being a pillow princess is a totally valid sexual preference that deserves respect and understanding. By keeping the lines of communication open with partners and making sure both sides are satisfied, pillow princesses can have fulfilling and healthy intimate relationships.

It's super important to remember that being labeled a "pillow princess" doesn't define someone's entire personality or their contributions to a relationship. Just like anyone else, pillow princesses can be loving, supportive, and equal partners in all aspects of a relationship.

Let's tackle these misconceptions head-on and get talking about sexual preferences. That way, we can chip away at the stigma surrounding pillow princesses and create a society that's more inclusive and understanding.

Empowering yourself as a pillow princess

Owning your pillow princess identity is a bold move towards self-love and better relationships. When you know and express what you want, you pave the way for a more fulfilling and genuine intimate life. Here's how you can amp up your empowerment:


1. Remember, your preferences are totally valid and deserve respect. Being a pillow princess isn't about being lazy or selfish—it's about embracing your genuine sexual desires.

2. Kick that internalized shame or stigma to the curb! Repeat after me: there's no one-size-fits-all when it comes to getting busy, and your preferences are just as valid as anyone else's.

3. Let's throw a party for your one-of-a-kind sexual style! Dive into the bliss and delight of being a pillow princess, and don't let anyone push you into conforming to narrow ideas about sexual give-and-take.

Myth: Pillow princesses are lazy
Reality: Pillow princesses have valid sexual preferences

Myth: Pillow princesses are selfish
Reality: Pillow princesses can ensure their partners' satisfaction in other ways

Myth: Being a pillow princess is just a phase
Reality: Being a pillow princess can be a consistent, deeply personal identity

Communication with partners

1. Keep it real about what you're into and where you draw the line. Be upfront with potential partners, making sure everyone's clear on what's what before getting down to business.

2. Keep the conversation flowing about pleasure and satisfaction. Check in with your partner often to see what they're into, and team up to find ways to connect intimately that leave both of you feeling fulfilled.

3. Shine a light on all the awesome things you bring to the table in your relationship, way beyond just sexual give-and-take. Show off how you make your partner happy and keep them feeling good, whether you're in the bedroom or out and about.

Embrace who you are and keep those lines of communication wide open—it's how you craft a kick-ass, empowering sexual identity as a pillow princess. Your desires? Totally valid. And you deserve partners who cheer you on and honor the real you.


The term "pillow princess" has come a long way from its roots in the LGBTQ scene, now recognized as a label for those who prefer to kick back and receive pleasure. Sure, it's had its share of stigma and misunderstandings, but let's set the record straight: being a pillow princess is a legit sexual preference that deserves major respect.

To own it, we've gotta bust those myths and keep the convo flowing with our partners. That's how we tap into our true desires and build relationships that really hit the spot.

At the end of the day, empowerment as a pillow princess is all about accepting yourself and being real with your partner. Celebrate your unique style, make sure everyone's having a blast, and let's ditch the shame around different sexual preferences. It's time for everyone to get cozy in their own skin.


How can I ensure I'm not a "pillow princess"?

Here's the scoop: keep those lines of communication wide open with your partner about what gets you going, what's off-limits, and all those steamy fantasies. But hey, if you're vibing with the pillow princess life, that's cool too—there's nothing wrong with embracing what works for you.

How can I tell if I fit the description of a pillow princess?

Typically, a "pillow princess" is characterized by a noticeable lack of effort in sexual activities, focusing predominantly on their own pleasure. They are usually more passive, preferring to stay in one or two positions without much variation.

What distinguishes a pillow queen from a pillow princess?

So, here's the deal: while both terms are all about folks who dig being on the receiving end of pleasure, a "pillow queen" takes it up a notch. They're pros at soaking up all that good stuff from their partners, used to being pampered and treated like royalty in the bedroom.

What does the term "pillow princess" mean?

In the context of lesbian relationships, a "pillow princess" refers to someone who prefers receiving sexual pleasure over giving it, typically taking a more passive role.

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