How To Give (And Receive) Better Oral Sex

Let's talk about oral sex, shall we? It's an intimate art that can bring incredible pleasure when done right. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just starting to explore, there's always room to enhance the experience for both you and your partner. 🔥

Oral sex isn't just about technique, it's about connection, communication, and creativity. So let's dive into how you can take your oral game to new heights while keeping things playful, respectful, and oh-so-satisfying.

Understanding the Basics: It's All About Enthusiasm

The number one rule of great oral sex? Enthusiasm. Nothing kills the mood faster than a partner who seems bored or obligated.

Dr. Leah Millheiser, Clinical Assistant Professor at Stanford University School of Medicine, explains, "Enthusiasm and genuine interest in your partner's pleasure creates psychological safety, which is essential for arousal and satisfaction" (Millheiser, 2023).

When you approach oral sex with genuine excitement, your partner can relax, feel desired, and fully enjoy the moment. So before worrying about specific techniques, check your attitude, it might be the most powerful tool in your pleasure toolkit. 💫

Communication: The Unsung Hero of Great Sex

Here's a not-so-secret secret: mind-reading isn't real (shocking, I know). What feels amazing for one person might do absolutely nothing for another.

The solution? Talk about it! Ask questions like:

• "How does this feel?"
• "Faster or slower?"
• "More pressure or less?"

Pay attention to your partner's breathing, movements, and sounds. These non-verbal cues speak volumes. And remember, communication isn't just about talking. Moans, sighs, and other sounds of pleasure tell your partner they're on the right track.

For the Givers: Techniques That Will Rock Their World

Start Slow and Build

Think of oral sex as a journey, not a race. Begin with gentle kisses and touches around the thighs and other erogenous zones before moving to more sensitive areas. This gradual approach builds anticipation and can significantly enhance arousal.

Mix It Up

Variety is the spice of life, and oral sex! Alternate between:

• Different speeds
• Various pressure levels
• Long strokes and targeted attention
• Using your lips, tongue, and (carefully!) teeth

The Power of Your Hands

Your mouth shouldn't do all the work. Use your hands to:

• Stimulate other erogenous zones
• Apply gentle pressure to the perineum
• Add extra stimulation to the base while your mouth focuses elsewhere

For vulva owners, combining gentle finger penetration with oral attention can create mind-blowing sensations.

Comfort Is Key

Position yourself comfortably. If your neck is cramping or your jaw is aching, you won't be able to maintain the pleasurable sensations. Use pillows for support, try different positions, and don't hesitate to switch things up when needed.

For the Receivers: How to Enhance Your Experience

Let Go of Self-Consciousness

Many people struggle to fully enjoy receiving oral sex because they're worried about how they look, smell, taste, or sound. Remember that your partner is there because they want to be!

Sex educator Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., reminds us, "The context in which you experience sexual pleasure matters tremendously. Creating a context of trust and acceptance helps turn off the 'brakes' in your sexual response system" (Nagoski, 2022).

Guide Without Criticizing

If something isn't working for you, offer positive direction rather than criticism:

• "I love it when you..."
• "It feels amazing when you..."
• "Could you try..."

Be Present

Focus on the sensations rather than worrying about reciprocation or performance. When you're fully present in your pleasure, it becomes more intense and satisfying.

Let's Talk About Hygiene

Hygiene concerns shouldn't be taboo. They're practical considerations that can make the experience better for everyone involved.

Before oral sex:

• A shower or quick wash is considerate
• Trimming pubic hair is optional but can make the experience more comfortable
• Stay hydrated throughout the day (yes, it affects taste!)

Remember, human bodies have natural scents and tastes. While basic hygiene is important, you don't need to smell like a fruit basket to be desirable. 🍑

Making It Safe and Sexy

Protection Matters

Oral sex without barriers can transmit STIs. Dental dams for vulva owners and condoms for penis owners provide protection while still allowing for pleasure.

The good news? Protection comes in flavors now, making safe sex tastier than ever!

Consent Is Ongoing

Always check in with your partner throughout the experience. Consent isn't just given once at the beginning, it's always an ongoing conversation.

Taking It to the Next Level

Once you've mastered the basics, try these advanced approaches:

Temperature Play

Try taking a sip of warm tea or cold water before going down on your partner. The temperature contrast can create exciting new sensations.

Sensory Deprivation

Blindfolding your partner heightens other senses, making every touch, lick, and kiss more intense.

Edging

Bringing your partner close to orgasm, then backing off, can lead to more powerful climaxes when you finally let them finish. Just make sure they're on board with this strategy, some find it frustrating rather than exciting.

When Things Don't Go As Planned

Sex doesn't always go perfectly, and that's completely normal. Sometimes:

• Orgasms don't happen
• Jaw fatigue sets in
• Unexpected interruptions occur

The solution? Laugh together, adjust your approach, or switch to something else. Keeping things light and flexible helps maintain the connection even when the specific activity changes.

Cultural Attitudes and Oral Sex

It's worth noting that attitudes toward oral sex vary widely across cultures and individuals. Some people consider it more intimate than penetrative sex, while others view it as a standard part of foreplay.

What matters is how you and your partner feel about it. There's no "right" way to include oral sex in your intimate life, only what works for the specific people involved.

FAQ: Your Burning Questions Answered

How long should oral sex last?

There's no standard duration. Some people enjoy quickies, while others prefer lengthy sessions. Focus on quality and communication rather than watching the clock.

What if my jaw gets tired?

Take breaks and use your hands, or switch to other activities. Sex should be comfortable for everyone involved.

My partner doesn't seem to enjoy oral sex. What should I do?

Have an open, non-judgmental conversation. They might have physical sensitivities, past negative experiences, or simply different preferences. Respect their feelings while exploring alternatives that you both enjoy.

Final Thoughts: Practice Makes Perfect

Like any skill worth having, oral sex gets better with practice and communication. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you discover what works for you both.

Remember that sexuality is fluid, what feels good can change over time, and that's part of the adventure. Stay curious, keep exploring, and most importantly, have fun with it! 💖

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